loPEZ Dispenser

Compliments of Stephen Myers…

For My Democrat Friends:

“Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our
best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially
responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral
celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within
the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of
your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with
respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or
traditions of others, or their choice not to practice
religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a
fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar
year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of
choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have
helped make America great. Not to imply that America is
necessarily greater than any other country nor the only
America in the Western Hemisphere . And without regard to
the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious
faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these
greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is
subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It
implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any
of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void
where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole
discretion of the wisher . This wish is warranted to perform
as expected within the usual application of good tidings for
a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent
holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is
limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new
wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.”

For My Republican Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

To all of you, Friends and Foe, I wish you the Merriest of Christmas and the Happiest New Year!!

danPEZ

i apologize for not writing more often, but i have good reason. one reason, simply that i can never think of anything good to write about. and the second, is that after moving two months ago, i just now got my computer hooked up and running.
i just finished watching the tonight show with jay leno. toby maguire was on the show tonight, talking about being a vegetarian, his new movie, and his new baby girl. his baby’s name is ruby sweetheart maguire. really? is your girl’s name ruby sweetheart, toby? really. spiderman’s daughter is named ruby sweetheart. its a cute name i guess, he had some reason as to why her middle name is the name of valentine day candies, but i still dont get it. the funny thing is, that name is more normal than most of the famous babies that have been popping out lately. heres a list:

nicholas cage has a son named kal-el. (after superman)
tom cruise and katie holmes of course have suri.
julia roberts has a kid named phinnaeus walter.
gwyneth paltrow and the dude from coldplay have kids named apple and moses.
jason lee has a kid named pilot inspektor.
jonathan davis of korn has a son named pirate.
casey affleck has a son named indiana august.
kim basinger and alec baldwin have a daughter named ireland.
paula yates(dont know who she is but apparently shes famous) has daughters named Fifi-Trixibelle, Peaches, Little Trixie, and Honeyblossom, and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily.
geri halliwell has a daughter named bluebell madonna.
shannyn sossaman has a son named audio science.

the list goes on and on.

so heres what im gonna do, im going to tell you all what i plan on naming my kids. who cares what my future wife wants. im making this decision. here we go:

two boys: toilet handlebar and astroboy monkeyface.
one girl: rainbow playstation one.

dont make fun of those names. they have a special meaning to me. it may sound like i just looked around my room and named what i saw, but i didnt. they have a specific meaning, but i wont tell you because its personal.

i just think its funny. you cant help but laugh. i mean, come on!! who names their kid apple or bluebell? thats crazy talk.

Most of us have seen the animated movie “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” and are well aware of the accompanying song that goes along with it. Does anyone else get the feeling that over the past few years the Grinch has been attacking Christmas in America?

In my head, the last five or so years have been a particularly aggressive campaign by the Grinch. It seems to get worse every year. Lets see, so far this year the more notable instances have been the deal with the Christmas trees coming down in the Seattle airport by threat of a lawsuit and the town who is displaying a Nativity without Mary, Joseph or Jesus as to not offend anyone. Many shops and malls no longer display any reference to Christ. Now it’s “Happy Holidays” or “Winter Celebration”. They no longer call my work event a Christmas Party. It is now called a “Recognition Social.” So just who is the Grinch that is stealing Christmas?

Most of these Grinch attacks are occurring in the name of fairness and tolerance (to everything but Christians). In other words, if everyone isn’t happy than nobody should be. Political Correctness has eaten at this country like a cancer. God forbid one Rabbi out of the tens of thousands of passengers in the Seattle airport is offended. You know what? I am offended by all the people that get offended over ridiculous stuff. Why must you project your self misery on to everyone else!? Its not our fault you have a pine cone stuck in your anus!! I AM SICK OF IT!!!

Glenn Beck satirically calls the holidays “Ramahanukwanzmas” so he can include all the religious celebrations this time of year. They rewrote the words to a familiar Christmas carol:

Have a RamaHanuKwanzMas
It’s The PC time of year
Every holiday displayed
Because of morbid fear…

Lets see, with Ramahanukwanzmas Beck covers:

Ramadan - Muslims
Hanukkah - Jewish
Kwanzaa - African Americans (don’t get me started on this)
Christmas - Those darned Christians!!

What about the Native Americans? Chinese? Buddhists? Hindus? Albinos? Handicapped? How about those Canadians? Nah, its gotta be those Atheists that are stirring up all this trouble.

Last year around Christmas time Ben Stein made some “confessions” on a tv show. He discusses how he is Jew and how that affects his view of Christmas. Below is the transcript:

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my
beating heart: I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see
them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog
biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery
stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they?
Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken
up? Why are they so important?

I don’t know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all
about Tom Cruise’s wife. Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a
subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. If this is what it means to be no longer young, it’s not so bad.

Next confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it
does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful
lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don’t feel threatened. I
don’t feel discriminated against. That’s what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn’t bother me a bit when people say, “Merry Christmas” to me. I
don’t think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a
ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers
and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn’t bother me at
all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near
my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it’s just as fine
with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don’t like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don’t think
Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think
people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around,
period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an
explicitly atheist country. I can’t find it in the Constitution, and I
don’t like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we
should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren’t allowed to worship God as
we understand Him?

I guess that’s a sign that I’m getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came
from and where the America we knew went to.

So as someone who is in the minority, why is it that Ben Stein is not offended by Christmas? Why isn’t he suing to get that Nativity near his house removed? How can he look at a Christmas tree and not become overwhelmed with anger and disgust.

This is a case where the very few are ruining it for the majority. Think long and hard. Do you know anyone who is offended by the Christmas holidays? I mean truly offended? So who are these people that are making Corporations and Government entities bend over and bow to their wishes? Is it that one lone Rabbi in Seattle? Is it the Michael Newdows of America? Are these ridiculous things happening to countries in Europe that celebrate Christmas? How about Canada? Mexico?

Political Correctness, meet Mr. Grinch. Mr. Grinch, meet Political Correctness. You guys are long lost evil twins!!

I will offer this fair warning to the Grinch. Most people love Christmas. To this point we have been mostly tolerant of the Grinch’s shenanigans but if he continues on this path there will be repercussions. The townsfolk will come after the Grinch with torches and pitchforks and drive him out of town. Don’t mess with people’s happiness.

What do we do about it?

I wish I knew the answer to this. I’d say to write your senator but now that the libs are in control I’m not sure how much good that would do.

We can get mad! We can loudly proclaim to all we know that we will no longer tolerate the double standard presented in this country where we all must coddle minority groups but where Christianity does not have to be tolerated. We will no longer allow ourselves to be brought to our knees and repressed.

I disagree with boycotts. I will not boycott because they are useless. I will, however, more likely support those companies who have cojones enough to still say Merry Christmas.

Anyone who has a young child, especially a boy, will have heard of Bob the Builder. My son loves his “Bob’s Busy Toolbox” set of books. Tonight before my wife and I put him to bed I read him one of the books from the set called “Bob’s Busy Hammer.” I have read this book to my son more times than I can count, but tonight I noticed something in the book that I have never seen before. Apparently, Bob is actually a woman.

I present to you exhibit A:

This is page four of the book. Innocent enough. Bob “builds a frame around a door.” Wonderful.

I present to you exhibit B:

This is a zoomed in image of Bob from the picture above. Bob is smiling, holding his hammer. But wait…look between his legs, Bob has a vagina!

I present to you exhibit C: (Don’t let the kiddies see this one)

This is the closeup of Bob’s naughty bits. I think that he has been hanging out with Britney, Lindsay and Paris too much lately. At first I thought that this may have been an innocent mistake made by an artist. But think about it for a minute…they even colored it to look like skin.

Let me know what you think…is Bob the Builder really a woman? Have I stumbled upon something truly scandalous?

If you are interested in checking out the book in question Amazon sells Bob’s Busy Toolbox here.

If you are in the market for a USB stick I wholeheartedly recommend that you buy a Sandisk; specifically this one, for sale at Amazon. You might be asking yourself, why is he advertising for Sandisk? The reason is simple, the memory stick shown here has now gone through two complete cycles in my washing machine and dryer and still performs perfectly. Last night when taking clothes out of the dryer I heard something rattling around inside. Usually this noise is due to loose change, but when I saw my precious USB stick my heart sank momentarily. We had been through this before and came out unscathed, but the fear of data loss always causes me physical duress.

When USB memory sticks were first released they were so brittle that I went through two within six months. If you looked at them wrong they would break. Go ahead, try and pull a first gen USB stick out of your USB slot while the operating system still has control of it. I would place money on the fact that the file system would become corrupted. This can usually be fixed with a reformat, but that means that all of the data is lost. I have had these things crack, break in half and simply fall apart in the past. Nowadays they are generally much better. I currently have two Sandisk 1GB sticks, and have had absolutely no problems with either of them. One is permanently attached to my keychain, which means it takes a lot of physical abuse (such as running up against metal keys in my pocket all day). I have never tried to wash that one, but I am almost certain that it would come out clean and functional.

Electrical circuits are not inherently susceptible to water damage, at least not any more than most other items. The problem arises when current is flowing through the circuit while it is wet. Water acts as a conductor, and effectively adds connections in the chip (which result in shorts in the circuit) where they should not be. That is how circuits are damaged. The fact that my USB stick was not connected to any power source meant that there was no chance of a short. That explains how it lived in the washing machine, but how about the dryer… It gets really hot inside of a dryer. In my experience the number one killer of integrated circuits is heat, so this could definitely cause the stick to break. I did a little bit of research and found that most dryers get to an air temperature of just under 200 degrees F. That is definitely hot enough to damage an integrated circuit, though I doubt that all of the items in the dryer actually ever reach that temperature. I am not about to put a thermometer into my dryer, so I may never know.

All that really matters is that my memory stick is still alive, with all of its data intact. I will definitely pay the premium for Sandisk memory products in the future. Please remember to check your pockets before putting your pants into the wash. I imagine that even plastic USB memory sticks only have so many lives.